Adam Scheinberg makes an argument for PHP, which is fine in itself, but misses a key point about those of us who are horrified by PHP as a language.

I argue than everyone posting about how PHP is a bad language as a whole is an idiot. Every single one. Each is a foolish, arrogant, nerd sheep who can’t think for themselves.

Scheinberg acknowledges some of the problems with PHP, but then says that PHP is good because you can run it all over the place, and many big sites serve lots of traffic with it, and boy isn’t mod_perl a pain in the ass to install? And sometimes PHP is just a great tool for the job at hand:

[t]hose who would forsake “the right tool for the job at hand” shouldn’t be trusted even to water your plants, because they are obviously nitwits. If you can’t concede that PHP can be the right tool some of the time for some situations, you shouldn’t be trusted to code or make adult decisions.

Can’t disagree with that at all, Adam. It’s all a matter of using the right tool for the job. Sometimes that right tool for the job just happens to be a crappy language.

So, as a foolish, arrogant, idiot, nerd sheep, we can agree that:

  • Sometimes people’s decision process brings them to the conclusion that PHP is the best tool for the job, and I don’t doubt that they’re right.
  • I don’t mind using PHP packages because I don’t have to write in it.

Nonetheless, PHP is still an awful language, and in my decision making process, the pain & anguish I go through to use it means it rarely winds up as the right tool for the job.